Roliga historier

Allt som inte passar nån annanstans, dvs det mesta.
Mig3D
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Post by Mig3D »

Här är en tagen från Utopia forumet:


One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He asked his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.

After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said,
"That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"
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Post by El_Raya »

Här är några skämt(gansla usla... :D ) från diabloii.net´s necroforum:
De är antagligen bara roliga om man spelat D2.


"what did the necromancer say when his girlie asked him to bone her?

not enuff mana"


"What do you call it when a necro gets sick?

Necrocancer"


"french necro waiter to a customer:

-bone appetit"


"What kind of insects ask stupid questions?

NewBees"


"Q:what do necromancers and women both have in comman?

A:they both like using bones to fill there needs"


Resten var så oerhört låga och dåliga att ni bara skulle gråta av att höre dem.
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Post by Sypherlane »

Vi är på god väg...
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Post by Mig3D »

Efter Richards lumpna försök att få oss att spy så kommer här några fler roliga historier:
______________________________________________________________

Napoleon hade alltid på sig en röd skjorta på slagfältet, så att ingen
skulle se honom blöda.

Hitler hade alltid på sig bruna byxor.
______________________________________________________________

Här kommer en sann historia från Cambridgeuniversitetet i Storbritannien.

Under ett av alla provtillfällen på universitetet kom det en dag in en
smart, ung student som innan han satte sig ned för att skriva provet gick
fram till skrivvakten och bad att få kakor och öl. Den påföljande
diskussionen löd sålunda:

Skrivvakten: Hur sa?
Studenten: Jag ber att få kakor och öl.
Skrivvakten: Jag är ledsen, men "nej".
Studenten: Jag insisterar. Jag ber om och kräver att ni ger mig kakor och
öl.

I detta ögonblick tog studenten fram en kopia av de fyrahundra år gamla
Cambridgelagarna, skrivna på latin och som fortfarande gällde rent formellt
sett. Han slog upp en sida i boken och visade skrivvakten en paragraf som
löd: "Herrar som deltar i skrivningar kan kräva och ska därpå få tilldelat
sig kakor och öl."

Efter lite diskuterande bestämdes det att den moderna varianten var
likvärdigt med hamburgare och Pepsi, varpå studenten blev tilldelat sig
detta, och kunde under resten av skrivningen sitta och slurpa på den
tilldelade läsken.

Tre veckor senare bötfälldes studenten fem pund för att han inte haft på sig
sitt svärd på provskrivningen.
______________________________________________________________

Johan gick och var mest småsur, fel på jobbet, fel på arbetskamraterna, fel
på kaffet, fel på chefen, fel på... Till slut tröttnade chefen och sa till
på skarpen:

- Gör mig en tjänst! Ta ledigt resten av dagen. Åk hem och dra över frugan
och kom tillbaka i morgon, du skall se att det gör dig gott och att du blir
på bättre humör.

Johan stämplade ut och gick. Nästa dag kommer Johan tillbaka, skiner som en
sol och är på ett underbart humör. Chefen kallade till sig honom och sa:
- Hur gick det?
- Det var kanon! Hon var helt vild! Vi älskade hela förmiddagen.
- Jag sa ju att du skulle må bättre!
- Ja, tack skall du ha för tipset! Himla trevligt hus ni bor i förresten..
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ALMighty
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Post by ALMighty »

Den norska badvakten till sin arbetsgivare:
- Det är ovanligt många trevliga badgäster här idag.
- Hurså?
- Minst sju stycken har vinkat till mig.

Två norska flygare diskuterar möjligheterna att flyga till solen.
- Det blir nog för varmt.
- Nej, inte alls. Vi flyger på natten.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.... ha ha... ha
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Post by ALMighty »

"Vad heter du då min lille vän?"
"Hans. Precis som kungen."
"Men kungen heter ju inte Hans?"
"Jodå, hans majestät."

Hansmannen :)
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ALMighty
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Post by ALMighty »

Tre våldtäktsmän hade blivit dömda till kastrering..


...De stod nu nervösa utanför dörren hos " bödeln".
Den förste gick in och de andra två stod utanför och lyssnade spänt.
Det hördes ett utdraget aaaaaaaaaaajjjjjjj när kastreringen utfördes.
Det blev den andres tur och utanför stod den tredje och lyssnade. Denna gång hördes ett korthugget ajj.
Svetten började lacka på den siste mannen och han bestämde sig för att försöka förhala det hela lite.
Han småpratade med bödeln och frågade om inte det var ett väldigt tråkigt yrke.
Han fick till svar att det ibland kan vara lite enformigt men för att göra det hela lite roligare så tar jag reda på vad de haft för yrke svarade bödeln.
”???”, undrade våldtäktsmannen.
”Jo”, sa bödeln, ”den förste var snickare, så den sågade jag av, den andre var frisör, så den klippte jag av.”
Våldtäktsmannen kastade sig nu storskrattade på golvet och bödeln undrade förolämpat vad det var som var så roligt.
”Jo”, svarade våldtäktsmannen mellan skrattattackerna, ”jag är glassförsäljare, så min får du suga av!!!”

:D
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Post by Ghosten »

Från Utopia forumet:

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns,
but all he finds is a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed,
ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,
kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you,
give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay and found you very sexy,
and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. So be strong honey, I love you."
______________________________________________________________

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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Post by Ghosten »

en till:

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?"

"Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away. He turns around,runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?" So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again:

"Would let me bite your breasts for 10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000 dollars eh? Ok, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there"

So they go to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them... but no biting.

In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah", he replies. "Too expensive."
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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Post by Mig3D »

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was "so profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, ofcourse, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. #-

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Morrison during my freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A" given.
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Post by Mig3D »

As seen in a dog's diary:
8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom/Dad! My favorites!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded
# must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once Again induced
myself to vomit on their favorite chair# must try this on their
bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the head -less body,
in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of
gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary
throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn
what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more
than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird
on the other hand has got to be an informant, and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room,
his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of
time...
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Det var en gång och den var grusad :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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Post by Icicle »

Det var engång en kung som kröp in i en ugn. :D :D :lol: :D :D
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Post by Ghosten »

Icicle wrote: Det var engång en kung som kröp in i en ugn. :D :D :lol: :D :D
fan va kass, rimma ju inte ens :D
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Post by ALMighty »

Det var en gång en kung med en stor pung.
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Post by Mig3D »

Det var en gång en fisk som gillade smisk.
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Post by Mig3D »

<a href='http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html' target='_blank'>http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html</a>

Skratta eller gråt. Personligen skrattade jag tills jag grät.
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Post by Ghosten »

jag grät väl mest.... men ändå helt klart värt att läsa igenom
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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Post by Mig3D »

[09:22:23] <Mig> 2 strangers, one woman and one man, had to share a cabin on a train for some reason
[09:22:36] <Mig> the woman in the top bunk and the guy in the lower...
[09:22:45] <Mig> in the middle of the night the woman wakes up cause she's cold
[09:22:58] <Mig> she doesn't want to get up so she starts to whisper Hey you, hey wake up
[09:23:16] <Mig> the man wakes up and asks what's up
[09:23:27] <Mig> the woman says she is cold and wonders if he could get her a blanket
[09:23:40] <Mig> the guy says hmmmm, well I know another way to get warm
[09:23:45] <Mig> woman goes okay what would that be?
[09:23:57] <Mig> guy says well, we could pretend we were married
[09:24:05] <Mig> the woman feels a little naughty and the guy wasn't bad looking so she says hehe, okay sure
[09:24:29] <Mig> guy says okay, go get your own god damn blanket
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Post by Ghosten »

Ok, här är ett par bra ifall ni har tid att läsa dom.

1.
A son and his father were walking down the road when the father said to the son alright lets stop in this bar for a drink... so they saddle up to the bar and the son says to the father..."Dad can i get a beer?" and the father says is your dick long enough to touch your asshole? the son goes on to say.. no dad it isnt yet... so the father says, " when your dick is long enough to touch your asshole you can have a beer"

so the father and son leave the bar and start to stroll down the road. They come upon the grocery store and they go in... they're standing by the courtesy counter where they sell cigarettes. The son asks the dad.... "dad can i buy some cigarettes?" the father then asks the son... is your dick long enough to touch your asshole? and the son again replys... "nope" so the father says... "when your dick is long enough to touch your asshole you can buy and smoke cigarettes!"

so the father and son leave the grocery store when on their way home the father remembers he forgot milk... so they stop at the convinence store.. they both walk inside and while the father is getting the milk the son goes up to the counter and buys a lottery ticket... he scratches the numbers off and reveals that he won a million dollars... he starts jumping around and saying "dad dad i won a million dollars" the dad goes .."o son that is excellent... are we going to split it since im your father?" so the son says to his father now.. " dad is your dick long enough to touch your asshole?" the father replys "yes son it is " so the son says ... "then go fuck urself...

2.
Carlos calls his boss in the morning: "Ey, boss I can't come to work today. I got a headache, a stomachache, and my legs hurt, too. I'm a friggin' mess!" The boss says: "You know Carlos, I really need you here today. When I feel like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Carlos calls: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a real nice house!"

3.
This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says, "Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe." The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."


The manager comes over and the bloke asks, "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?". "Yes, sir, I am," replies the manager, "and I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant".

"Fuck off!" replies the bloke. "And where's the fucking piano?"

"Pardon?" says the manager.

"Fucking deaf as well are we? You little piece of sniveling shit, show us your pissing piano."

"Ahhhh," replies the manager. "You've come about the pianist's job," and shows the bloke to the piano. "Can you play any blues?"

"Of course I fucking can," and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.

"Why, that's superb, what's it called?"

"I want to fuck your missus on the sofa but the springs keep hurting my knob," replies the pianist.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds to play the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard.

"Magnificent!" cries the manager. "What's it called?"

"I wanted a wank over the washin' machine but my bollocks got caught in the soap drawer".

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads, the bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody.

"And what's this called?" asks the manager.

"As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece," replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her tits are almost falling out the top and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is riding up the crack of her arse. She is sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin! It's too much for the bloke and he runs off to the bogs to 'wrestle with his bald headed champ'. He's pulling away furiously when he hears the manager's voice...

"Where's that bloody pianist?"

He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to the piano, not having bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes. The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear:

"Do you know your knob and balls are hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?".

"Know it," the pianist replies, "I fucking wrote it!"

4.
There is this blonde and she is so bored, that she decides to do what no blonde has ever done before. She goes to her local library and gets all of the books on Ice Fishing because she thinks that it could be very relaxing and something that she would be entertained by. She reads and studies for weeks and weeks, until there are no books on Ice Fishing at the library that she hasn't read. She goes out and buys all of the supplies she needs to make her trek into the wild to try some ice fishing. The weekend comes and she has packed everything and goes of to try it. She finds a place that she thinks is suitable, takes off her back-pack, and searchs for her tools to make a cut into the ice. Just as she is about to make a cut into the ice, she hears a load booming voice say "There are no fish there!". She is kinda freaked out, grabs her tools, and moves to a little more into the ice. She again takes off her back-pack, pulls her tools out and prepares to make a cut into the ice. Just as she is about to cut into the ice, again she hears a booming voice saying "There are no fish there!". Now she is kind of freaked out. She picks up her tools, stuffs them into her back-pack, and hurries to another spot. She finds a place that she thinks would be just perfect for her to fish at. She pulls off her back-pack and takes out her tools. She just starts to cut into the ice and hears the load booming voice, "There are no fish there!". She is extremely scared, and in a trembling voice, asks "Lord, Is that you?". The booming voice replies "No, I am the manager of the ice rink."

5.
A man is in a hotel lobby and he wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

6.
ok so there wer three guys coming home from a pistol shooting range. ( a range where they launch these discs into the air and you shoot them with your pistol) and it was getting lat. now because they had done such a good job shooting their targets that they decided to go to the bar and get some alcohol. so they left the bar at its closing all walking out with a bottle of their respective countires alcohol.

there was an american guy and he had a bottle of jack daniels

a russian guy with his most sacred vodka

and a mexican guy with his tequilla

now they were all walking down the beach because that was the safest way to get home to their house..and they were all gettin a little tipsy... now the russian guy looks at his bottle of vodka and in a shitfaced manner throws his botttle of vodka in the air and shoots it with his pistol as he yells..

"Theres to much of this in my country"

and the glass shatters everywhere on the beach...
so taking the russian guys lead the mexican guy takes a step ahead of everyone throws his bottle of tequilla in the air and shoots the crap outta it yelling at the top of his lungs...

"Theres to much of this in my country"

so the american guy being the drunk fuck that he is goes over to the mexican guy throws him up in the air and shoots him yelling...

"there are to many of these in my country"

7.
A captain in the foreign legion is transferred to a desert outpost where he notices an old, seedy looking camel at the back of the barracks.

He asks his sergeant what it is for.

"Well, sir, we're a fair distance from anywhere and the men have natural sexual urges. When they do, they use the camel."

"Gosh," says the captain, "Well if it's good for morale, it's fine by me."

The captain soon becomes frustrated himself and finally tells the sergeant to bring him the camel.

The sergeant shrugs his shoulders and brings the camel to the captain's quarters.

The captain gets a foot stool and begins to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he steps down, satisfied, he asks the sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The sergeant replies, "Well no, sir, usually they just ride the camel to the nearest brothel."

8.
How To Beat A Speeding Ticket.


A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

9.
A man is jogging in the park when he comes across a 98 year old man weeping on a park bench. The jogger stops to see if he is ok. The old man replies "Life couldn't be better. I'm living with a nineteen year old nymphomaniac! In the morning when I wake up we have sex. Then she brings me breakfast in bed. After breakfast we have sex again and I have my mid-morning nap." He continued "We normally eat out for lunch at a nice restaurant and then it's back into bed for 'afters'. Then I spend the afternoon watching sports or old movies before she cooks dinner for me..." "...Oh, did I mention she was a gourmet chef? After dinner we have sex again and I finally collapse in bed exhausted and ready for a restful nights sleep." Surprised, the jogger asks "That's my idea of bliss! Why in the world are you so upset?" Through his tears the old man weeps "I can't remember where I live!".

10.
A salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo man hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Navajo man climbs in.

During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.

"If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the salesman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Navajo man is silent for awhile, nods several times and says, "Good trade."

11.
A couple were sitting up waiting for their fifteen year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy comes into the house with a big smile on his face.

"Hi Mom! Hi Dad!” he said breathlessly. "Guess what? I've just had sex for the first time and it was wonderful."

His mother turned bright red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him." Then she left the room.

The father said, "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till pay-day to get it".

"That's OK Dad," said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway. My ass is too sore.”
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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Vertex
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Post by Vertex »

Kanske inte en rolig historia men en <a href='http://www.google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html' target='_blank'>förklaring till hur Google fungerar</a>.
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Post by Redhead85 »

Eniglt en udnreösnknig på ett Egnelkst univreisett så kan man srkvia bkoestvär i vliekn ornding som hlest och det går ädnå att lsäa då hjrnäan upfpatatr odret så lnäge fösrta och sitsa bkostaevn är på rtät palts. Dttea breor på att vi itne lsäer vrjae bkotsav för sig uatn odret som hleteht


Så sant så sant
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HomeBurneR
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Jag är för dum/smart för att min hjärna ska klara av detta B)
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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Icicle
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Post by Icicle »

det där måste bli ett helvete för en dyslektiker
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HomeBurneR
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Precis :D

Har du rest tillbaka till Göteborg än Porntus?
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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HomeBurneR
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Stackars hund?! <_<

Han var ju junkie och fick gratis droger, hunden mådde nog inte dåligt förrän han blev lite för "het på gröten" eller hur man ska säga...
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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ALMighty
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Post by ALMighty »

Hehe ja kanske du har rätt ;)
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Icicle
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Post by Icicle »

Porntus has returned to gothenburg.... hörde du ska dricka det du brukar, plus en kvarting på mârten Martin..
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Blir nog kanske enbart en kvarting på Mârten alt. mången grogg...

Hur kommer det sig att detta hamnade på "Roliga historier"-tråden?
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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Post by Icicle »

Vet inte det har spårat ur lite här känner jag... Nej nu fan får du ta och styra upp det här HomeBurneR
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Post by AnonBot »

wieee!
nu kan jag använda internet! det tycker jag är roligt.

Edit: Det va jag som skrev detta.. (Ghosten)
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Hafver du flyttat?

Slänger in lite skämt också:

Precis efter att Michael Jackson hade fått barn,gick han och
förlossningsläkaren ut ur förlossningssalen.
-Hur länge tror doktorn att det dröjer innan vi kan ha sex,nu så här
efter förlossningen?
-Ja,du får nog vänta tills han kan gå i alla fall!



Bill Gates hade varit ute
och festat en natt. Senare köpte han en hora. Och på
morgonen efter när det vaknade
sa horan:
"Nu förstår jag varför du döpte ditt företag till Microsoft"


GWAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! :lol:
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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Post by Ghosten »

en mindre rolig historia är att jag inte har internet hemma än och det går inte att få scream där jag bor.. det får nog bli comhem.
är det inte dyrt med 400kr/månad får 2Mb ner och 0.4Mb upp, eller vad det nu är dom har?
vad annat finns det att kolla om man kan skaffa? jag har inte mycket koll på sånt här
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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HomeBurneR
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Post by HomeBurneR »

Eeeh, om de priser du har angett stämmer, så lönar det sig att ta Telia 8000, 449:- / månad, 8064 kbps (Ner) 832 kbps (Upp).
Det du inte minns, har aldrig hänt! Intressant läsning How much is 1000 dB?
WARNING: BE AWARE! Use of this amplifier at extreme high volumes for extended periods of time may cause hearing loss and or hearing damage. During periods of prolonged high volume levels it is recommended that you use ear safety devices. Playing Cadence amplifiers at high volume levels while driving will impair your ability to hear necessary traffic sounds. While driving always keep your sound volume at reasonable levels. We at Cadence want you listening for many years to come.
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Post by El_Raya »

Eeeh, om de priser du har angett stämmer, så lönar det sig att ta Telia 8000, 449:- / månad, 8064 kbps (Ner) 832 kbps (Upp).
:D AHAHAHAHAAAA!

...eller? Hmm... Det var ju ingen rolig historia
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Post by Ghosten »

historien har iaf blivit lite bättre, men dyr.
scream upp till 26Mbit upp och ner 398kr/månad... men då måste jag ha ett telefonnummer och det kostar 125kr/månad.
comhem kan jag få utan telefon men det kostar 445kr/månad för 8Mbit ner och 1Mbit upp...
så där ja, inget mer blajj här nu... :) </offtopic><ontopic>
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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Post by Mig3D »

Jag får väl rädda situationen antar jag...



Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the Other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs I get undressed in the bathroom I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?' ...and she's always sound asleep"
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Post by ALMighty »

This is a true life anecdote about Albert Einstein, and his theory of relativity.

After having propounded his famous theorY, Albert Einstein would tour the various Universities in the United States, delivering lectures wherever he went. He was always accompanied by his faithful chauffer, Harry, who would attend each of these lectures while seated in the back row! One fine day, after Einstein had finished a lecture and was coming out of the auditorium into his vehicle, Harry addresses him and says, "Professor Einstein, I've heard your lecture on Relativity so many times, that if I were ever given the opportunity, I would be able to deliver it to perfection myself!"

"Very well," replied Einstein, "I'm going to Dartmouth next week. They don't know me there. You can deliver the lecture as Einstein, and I'll take your place as Harry!"

And so it went to be... Harry delivered the lecture to perfection, without a word out of place, while Einstein sat in the back row playing "chauffer", and enjoying a snooze for a change.

Just as Harry was descending from the podium, however, one of the research assistants intercepted him, and began to ask him a question on the theory of relativity.... one that involved a lot of complex calculations and equations. Harry replied to the assistant "The answer to this question is very simple! In fact, it's so simple, that I'm going to let my chauffer answer it!"
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Post by Ghosten »

En kvinna kom en dag till sin gynekolog och sa:

- Jag har inte fått ha sex med min man på ett halvår!
- Har han ingen lust längre !!?
Jamen då ska du prova detta på honom sa gynekologen och tog fram en pillerburk.
- Men detta är bara en experimentmedicin så vi vet inte vad det kan ha för
biverkningar. Ge honom ett piller och berätta för mig i morgon hur det gick.

Kvinnan tog pillerburken och gick hem.
Dagen efter ringde hon till gynekologen och sa förtjust:
- Han tände direkt! Vi hade sex i två timmar! Men, säg mig... Vad händer
om jag ger honom två piller?
- Vet ej, prova...
Dagen efter ringde hon igen:
- Åh... Inatt hade vi sex i fem timmar! men säg mig. Vad händer om jag ger
honom fem piller?
- Vet ej. Prova...
Dagen efter ringe en utmattad men lycklig kvinna:
- I natt höll han på HELA natten! Vad skulle hända om jag ger honom hela
burken?
- Ingen aning... Du kan väl prova...
Under två veckor hördes inte ett ljud från kvinnan.
Men efter nästan tre, ringer en dag telefonen hos gynekologen och en ung
pojkröst hörs i andra änden:
- Var det du som gav min mamma den där konstiga medicinen som hon matat
farsan med?
- Ja, det var jag. Har den fungerat?
- Det kan man gott säga... Morsan är död, syrran gravid, jag har ont i häcken
och nu sitter han i ett hörn och säger: "kom kissen, kss kss.."
If We Aren't supposed to eat Humans, Then Why Are They Made of Meat?
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